In Defense of Men of all shades, 10 worse things a woman can do! Part II of the VII Part Platinum Series!

Lord Help Me!
I consider myself a sincere man and excellent listener! At times I’m very puzzled by what men and women say about one another. When I hang with the fellas, we watch sports, talk trash and mix in what’s going on in our lives; yes serious stuff and don’t miss a beat. Amongst ourselves we are blunt and candid sharing our joy and pain. Then we get up, head unbent, shoulders unbowed and bear the accidents of life with dignity and grace, making the best of circumstances.

I know all types of men; some I must say aren’t worth 3 dead green flies, as my Uncle Ben Edwards would say. They’re habitual liars, cheats, thieves, users, selfish, womanizers, just plain stupid and a dirty laundry list of other negatives. Run ladies Run, you can’t change them; they have to want to change!

I’m also grateful and honored to know men who are upstanding, who love, honor and respect themselves, their families, they work hard and play hard. These are the guy’s I’m closest too and chose to communicate with on a regular basis. These are the guys that tell it like it is and we support one another. I listen and learn from them and we all grow together! From these conversations and in their defense, I’ve composed a list of the 10 worse things I feel a woman can do in a relationship with the type of men I honor! I’m no authority on anything but have an open mind and think in depth, removing my ego, so I can get to the absolute truth. Here’s my truth! Ladies there are a lot of good men out there and “This is how you drive them away”!

I would never group women as a whole and I truly recognize and respect the differences in your being. I know there are a lot of good women out there and I’m honored to know many of them and grateful to be in their presence. LADIES THIS ISN’T A LIST OF COMPLAINTS! It’s a list to give insight to what a man is thinking from my standpoint! This is just a snap shot!

A number of ladies over think things, dwell and carry tons of old baggage. Egos are irrational, selfish, think you know everything, don’t know when to shut up and will kick a man when he’s down. Even if he just dug you out of a hole! Did I say don’t know when to shut up! You water down your past and display your self as virtuous, which is far from true! If you’re offended, by what I just said, look in the mirror, it’s probably you! Your girlfriends know who you are too. They see you with a good man and wonder how long it’s going to take you to screw it up and run that man away. They comfort you after he leaves, because that’s what girlfriends do! In reality, they know you and what you did! For those of you that the above writing points too, make some changes.

For you ladies who are mindful, loving and honorable and who want to keep a good man, here you go! Before proceeding please remove your EGO and OPEN YOUR HEARTS AND MIND! I’m writing this in hope that couples communicate and create a solution to what stops the growth in their relationships. The stagnation that occurs depletes a relationship and generates separation in the near future. Lets love and stay together, we are meant to be and receive love.

Hopefully you’ll read this with the love in which it was intended and written! Please don’t attack, let’s talk! Communication is the key! Eyes are blind, so look with your heart and make a change! Take this message with the love and peace, which it’s delivered!

1. DRAMA QUEEN – Continuously whining, complaining and nagging about every little thing that happens! Even stuff that could wait, you wont let it wait. You’ll have a fit like a child! You have a need for attention and will try to control your man with it. Saying you’re in distress when surely you can handle the subject matter yourself. It may make a man feel good for a while to be needed but I promise you, you’ll be the girl-crying wolf and he’ll be leaving soon. We’ll support and nurture but we are not your emotional crutch!

2. JEALOUSY OF HIS FRIENDSHIPS – If your man had real RESPECTFUL male and female friends before he meet you, he will not take kindly to you calling them out their names, judging and picking them apart. Men feel their true friends have always been there and will still be there whether you stay or go. So respect his friends as he respects yours, you have friends and he doesn’t trip. Don’t punish him for your insecurities! There’s no need to be jealous of his RESPECTFUL tight knit group. He’s going to hang and talk with his friends and if you try to separate them, he’ll just hang with them without you. Eventually this will cause a divide in your relationship, he wants you all to get along. Be open-minded and give them all an honest chance, he’ll like that.

3. NICE TODAY, CRAZY TOMORROW – During the dating phase you’re sweet, attentive, nurturing, looking good all the time and just WOW am I a lucky man or what? Then once you feel you have him, bam! No more nicey nice and sexy sexy, rollers in your head, face mud, nails aren’t done, frowns, barking of orders, tone change and aggressive word usage. Remember the same thing it took for you to get him, it’s going to take to keep him. You change like that, he will too and you’ll see the back of his head going out the door. He feels he’s been tricked and no longer knows if he can trust you! Be yourself from the start and show some consistency.

4. NON-STOP TALKING – Shut up sometimes! Simple as that, just shut up, we don’t want to here you picking people apart and all that other stuff; tell your girlfriend. It’s ok with us for a minute and that’s it, a minute! It’s not that we don’t care but we don’t need to hear every detail. Also, carrying on about an issue you have with him all day, then bringing it up tomorrow and throwing it up a week later. Expecting to have his undivided attention every time you do it. This will cause him to seek the exit sign or cut your conversation time short. Being badgered about a disagreement over and over is a real turn off!

5. WANTING TOO MANY THINGS – Some men feel women are too unrealistic in their expectations. The regular working man living on the average salary can’t afford big house, take you out to dinner all the time, pay your car note, credit cards and a new car. If he dares to say something about it, you call him lazy, lacking ambition, question his love for you and question his abilities to take care of his woman. Good-bye! One good working man out the door! He’s working and saving for the future, not trying to help you keep up with your EGO! If he’s happy being a plumber, stop trying to make him President! Why not look at your blessings and be grateful.

6. CHEATING – Y’all call us dogs but you cheat too, and then blame your man for driving you to doing it. Women fool around just as much as men, if you think not you’re in the dark, lying to yourself or just lying. Whether sexual or emotional, if a man thinks you’re doing so. He’ll immediately put you in another category, none of which is a position of growing together, maybe something to do or he’ll just leave. He should just leave! Such games rob a man of vital energy and respect for you is gone.

7. LUGGING OLD BAGGAGE – Treating your man like he’s going to cheat on you, mess up or abandon you like your ex’s have or your father, is horrible. Dragging your crap from the past will kill a relationship in record time. He’ll get tired of you dumping on him and treating him as though he’s not trust worthy! He is not your past; he’s your present but will soon be your past if you keep it up! Let go of your old crap and it’s staleness. Open your heart and mind to enjoy the freshness of the new. He didn’t do those things to you in your past, why punish him!

8. BEING DISRESPECTFUL – No man wants to be treated like crap by his woman, at home or in public. You continue to be rude and abrasive with him, even after he’s asked you to stop. BYE! A man gets enough of this at work and other aspects of society, he doesn’t need it from you too. On top of all that you never apologize for the disrespectful act itself, like you’re entitled to treat him bad and it’s O.K. he’s a tough man. GUESS WHAT, MEN HAVE FEELINGS TOO! He’ll take it sometimes and don’t say anything but one day, he’ll just walk away from you and never look back. Treat your man how you want to be treated!

9. NOT GIVEN ENOUGH SPACE – Don’t be so clingy, a man needs his space and needs you to respect the boundaries. If he’s going to the mall with you while you’re trying on shoes, don’t give him crap about watch a sporting event. A jealous, possessive woman deliberately robs a man of his privacy and that will run a man away! Don’t lose yourself; find something for you to do while he does his thing!

10. POWER STRUGGLE – This one really rubs a man wrong that isn’t evening competing with you. 1.You have to be right all the time. 2.You’re condescending or shooting down his thoughts, always amending his statements as if your way is always better or the right way. 3. Disagreeing just because; yes you always have to punch holes in whatever he says. Then you do all the above in public to top it off. This is a major turnoff for men, MAJOR. Then you turn around and ask for his help with something. The man will help you out but he thinks, do it yourself smartass, you know everything. You’ll soon see the back of that good mans head going out the door, never to return. Then you’ll have all the power and be alone with it to do what you like. Be considerate of his thoughts and emotions, we have them too and you want the same from us.

What I’ve written is from my experience and the conversations I’ve had with men. I hope it’s helpful and we all can communicate better and love stronger.

Permission to reprint is contingent on credit to Milo Edwards

Published in: on August 14, 2009 at 7:07 am  Comments (38)  

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38 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Milo…I agree with you and am truly BLESSED BEYOND BELIEF to be in the presence of men like you! Your openness and honesty is refreshing and your ability to feel from the core of your soul and center of your heart is Xemplary. I truly pray that other women will begin to “get it.” And, in the process realize that the work of being blessed with a “GOOD MAN” begins with their being a “GOOD WOMAN.” This means that we must, at all times, be willing to let go of the ghosts of our past and send the demons away, permanently, so that they do not become the source of our own destruction…as well as the destruction of those who we claim to love. Again, thanks for the daily nourishment and loving support. You are a wonderful man whose wisdom is both real and infinite. Keep it coming and continue to grow in the positive and powerful way that you are. Lots of Everlasting “SISTAH POWER” Love, Deborah

  2. Thank you for these reminders, Milo. No matter where we are at in our emotional/relationship development, I think we as women can all continue to make improvements to increase the way we show love and respect to the men in our lives.

  3. Wow… a little reminder for the ladies will continue to keep us on our toes. Great message!!! I love it and I will send this to other women that can benefit from your thoughts on relationships.

    Keep it up Milo:)

  4. IT’S THE 1,2,3 PUNCH 2DAY but sometimes that is exactly how you have to do it to get people’s attention. Straight —no chaser! Not too much I can disagree with. I think sometimes “women” can in fact be their own worse enemy. Now that you have shined the light into some of our darker character flaws, let’s discuss how we are going to get it right. For the ladies that fit these 10 examples and are not seeking self-improvement—we already know they are HOPELESS. However,some of us have little traces of 1 or 2 of your examples but they are not deep rooted YET! There may still be HOPE for us. We do not want to see as you stated–the back of the man’s head walking out the door retreating or running in fear. We want to see the man walking in the door, smiling (preferably w/fresh flowers) because he loves his mate/partner/bestfriend——his choice in a significent other………….AS ALWAYS BE BLESSED EVERY1 AND HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND……..CYD

  5. Your WORDS of WISDOM are always a VERY delicious food unto my soul and others as well.
    The most important things in growing a strong relationship are WILLING to listen, WILLING to understand, WILLING to respect, WILLING to work up on the differences and most of all WILLING to do the very best in anything.

    And one thing I always keep in my mind that my mom told me when I had my 1st broken hearted that *IF WE LOVE SOMEONE, WE SHOULDN’T n MUSTN’T PUT TEARS on their eyes nor SADNESS in their hearts.

    I think its the mostest essence basic in a relationship with ALL people around us.

    Thank you again and again for sharing your thoughts here on HOW TO BE A BETTER WOMAN.
    Its REALLY giving me VERY good insights thoughts and lessons.

    Keep up your wonderful works and
    Stay blessed.

  6. @Dora —- those were beautiful comments. Have a blessed day……..CYD

  7. Hello Milo, thank you for sharing with us. If, I may, I would like to add a number eleven. 11) Secrecy. You meet someone after you have gotten to that level of “no expectations” and accepting you cannot change anyone. Only to be the best person you can be relax and let it flow when you meet a decent brother. You spend time together as you know you are expecting nothing only to enjoy each others company. However, something begins to change. You realize this is pretty nice, we laugh, converse with each other, and he listens. Suddenly, you’re in this situation where you kiss and one thing leads to another and BAM!! It’s too late to share the secret of which you never thought you would need to convey anyway. You like him, he likes you and you have a secret. How do you tell him?

    • Oh! if I may MILO ha, ha, ha!!!!

  8. @Chontei Driver: Thank you SO much for being here.
    Im STILL learning on HOW TO BE A BETTER person, and I really love learning, reading and listening from OTHER people’s thoughts, perspectives and experiences.

    And Im SO blessed that Milo allows me to have this opportunity by being here.

    We ALL can be much BETTER people to make this world much BETTER environments.

    YES, WE CAN!
    YES, I CAN!!!

  9. What you know I needed a reminder. It will get better. i get so irritated with my ownself sometimes. I just feel like giving up with this dating thing.

  10. Milo, “Game recognize Game” and it’s football preseason my friend. This should read “In Defense of Men of all shades, and the Offensive Woman! “Don’t hate the player, hate the Game”. Some women might feel like this but,would not tell you. (Not me of course) but, some women more or less. You brought up some good points about attitudes in general. We can all learn from this. I’m so happy that I’m able to be part of this, and would like to extend an invitation to your readers as well. Over these weeks, people have already started living a better life, and we have you to thank for that. “So everyone write back” Milo wants to hear from you..
    With warm regards…

  11. You are right, right and more right. When we are pointing the finger there are three more pointing back at you. We as women need to take inventory of what junk we have in our own trunks. Comfortable with the relationship walking around looking and acting any old kind of way is not the way to be. We need to love and cherish all of ourselves before we can expect it back. Until next time.

  12. Millo What the Hell????? (Perspective)
    I hear what your saying but I can’t agree with most of it like everyone else. I will tell you why; First the vessel from whence this information is coming sounds broken, dammaged or hurt therefore its contents are tainted and not reliable. Yes, some women are spoiled as well as some men that’s why they act the way they do; selfishly demanding out of each other what they themselves should possess. Both have the capacity to be disrespectful and hateful when their ideas of a perfect mate are not being met. Men treat women how women allow them to treat them and the same goes for the man who allows a pretty young thang to use him for his money or his position. If a women allows a man to mistreat her, she has the power to dissolve that relationship and move on having learned from her mistake, not whining like some brothers when they can no longer have their cake and eat it too. Just keeping it real!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Debra’s comment: I disagree one hundred percent with that statement. When I read Milo’s words I do not hear a man who is damaged or broken. However, what I do hear is someone who listens most attentively to the parties involved, men and women through past; present relationships and social encounters. The ten defenses he shares with us are amazing points. And for that, I’m thankful that he is the kind of man who takes time to give back in such a positive way. The comment about being spoiled is true; however, we know the result of being spoiled brings on negative actions. With this type mindset you can only expect the relationship, rather romantic or friends to end in an uncivilized manner. You simply believe the world owes you something when it doesn’t. You have an “entitlement mentality.” And when your friend or partner doesn’t give you what you want or when you don’t get your way you begin to lash out through combative behavior. This is wrong; we are all adults and should give what we expect to receive in return. Never ask or expect anything of what you cannot or not willing to give of self.

      • Thanks Kim!

      • Kim White, You sound confused, you started your statement in 100% disagrement with what I said and at the same time you stated some of the same points I made as if you were teaching me something, Girl Bye!!!!!!!!

    • Yes DEBRA LAKE, you kept it real! Real shallow, clearly you didn’t read or maybe comprehend what I wrote. Your comment is so off base and attacking, coming from somewhere in your subconscious of a bitter past, therefore I wont even respond. But I will leave it to see what others think!

      • Will the real Milo step up???????

      • Yea, too good to be true. It only takes an offence to see what a person is made of. Yep, your the real Milo your true colors shined trough on this one.

      • We all don’t have to agree and nothing here is taken personally, you’re entitled to your opinion. I’m pushing for us all to communicate and grow, learning how to have a better relationship with ourselves and others.

        Have a beautiful day!

    • Debra,

      It appears that your spirits are damage and broken. You’re not keeping it real! What you’re doing is keeping is the negativity we often hear about in relationships going. Milo is sharing some great insight from both a man and a woman’s perspective and I think you tune out after the first paragraph. I see the being disrespected part was a touchy subject for you so let me address it.
      There are plenty of women who are making more money and independently are succeeding far beyond some men. If you have a man in your life and his paycheck doesn’t equal or succeed yours there is no reason for you to treat him like he doesn’t matter. We (women) have a tendency to act out when we are put in these situations. Since you had the balls to go at Milo on his blog you already know Men aren’t’ the only one with big Ego’s.

      One last note Milo wasn’t talking about men and women being disappointed when their idea mate doesn’t measure up to what they expected. He was simply informing us on how to make our current relationships with each other better.

      As Kim said: Never ask or expect anything of what you cannot or not willing to give of self.

      • Debra, Tyler Perry made a movie about broken relationships. Why Did I Get Married Tyler Perry focus on these same issues. Would you call his movie Tainted? Is he damage? It doesn’t appear that way to me and the millions of other men and women who appreciated that movie and his perspective on the problems in some marriages or relationships. Thought I would share my thoughts on your comment.

    • HMMMMMM, ruffled some feathers I see!!!! Only in America

  13. Thank you all for your comments, I’m grateful!

    • Kathy,It does not matter if it appeared that way to you because it was the way I perceived what the brother was saying that mattered. Sorry dear, but Milo is no Tyler Perry nor is he producing movies so you can not compare apples with oranges. Girl Bye!!!!

      • Debra, thanks for laugh this evening! I hope you get laid soon. It sounds like that’s what’s missing in your life. Peace!

  14. I’m going to agree with you on shut up! Milo ther are some guys that have 1-10. For real, It hard to just date. You know go out get to know one another. Give me some feed back. The last Man i dated for about a year, could not or would not communicate with words, it always left me in limbo and now it’s over. How can i do things better on the lines of communicating with out being a nagg?

  15. Debra…
    You are right about one thing…”Only in America”. Only in America can a woman ever feel comfortable enough to come into a man’s “home” and be disrespectful. I am all for freedom of speech but you have gotten down right nasty and tried to make this personal. Aside from other readers calling you on your own bitterness and baggage, you have lowered your own value even more when you engage in such juvenile behavior like name calling. You have acted out like a child wanting attention be it positive or negative.

    I am disappointed and saddened to witness yet another bitter, unyielding woman who feels it is her duty to “check” or challenge a man only because she never had the guts or opportunity to stand up to the actual man who damaged her in the first place. Your experiences have scarred you in ways that you are not even emotionally healthy enough to see. You don’t even realize how broken you really are.

    It is more than obvious that you have difficulty conducting yourself in a respectable, peaceful, lady like manner in someone else’s “home”, so excuse yourself from this room and find some quiet time to check yourself before you attempt to check someone else. If you don’t like what you read here, find something else to read…better yet seek professional help!

    Now that I have said all of that, please allow me to pass something positive on to you…Be BETTER-NOT Bitter. In the future, if you need a hug just ask for one! I will pray for your enlightenment, healing & happiness….TTFN!!

    • Thank you, Kiki, for saying, so perfectly, what others of us are thinking. I’m praying for blessings to all the thoughtful, respectful folks visiting this blog; for peace and enlightenement to all others! ♥

    • KiKi, Thanks you so much for saying what I should have said! Instead I allowed this woman to take me to her level and for that I apologize to Milo and his friends who were offend by what I said to Debra yesterday.

    • Hmmmm Kiki, the pot always call the kettle black. Child Please, You aint said nothing!!!!!

      • @Debra:

        Hello Pot, my name is Kettle! Have a great week!

  16. Thank you KiKi!

    • Happy Monday Milo & friends!

      No thanks needed y’all!! I just believe we all haven’t gotten to that point in our journey where we can see past our own hurt, pain & feelings of victimization. In fairness to her, I had to give her something positive to sit with as well.

      Moreover, I was struck by the fact that we ALL picked up on the pain that was dripping from every word she had written. And because that kind of pain is toxic, my organic response was to lash back at her (please believe I dont blame anyone who did, because its only natural), however I possess the antidote for that highly infectious & toxic pain…. and it’s called LOVE! (love for self & love for others)


      • Milo, its all good baby! please continue!

  17. Milo, you see the effect you have on women? dang, are you that good? thats probably why women act the way they do in relationships with you. Some of these jokas are ready to fight and don’t even know eachother. I had to check myself because I don’t know you or any of these women and I’d like to keep it that way. You better be careful, you might end up with some stalkers. This will be my last post to you and I do hope you have a wonderful day, WITH YO FINE SELF!!!!!!!!!! ~DL~

  18. You raise some good points Milo. You are a blessing to both men and women. Stay focused on your objective.

    I am a bit concerned that we don’t have more male representation in these discussions but nothing happens over night.

    Ladies, there is no WAR OF THE SEXES! There is just one big MIS-UNDERSTANDING and UNTRUTHS perpetuated by those who stand to benefit by the dissension among men and women. For instance, your local jeweler, greeting card or candy store. 🙂

    • Local jeweler, LMAO!

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