Breakdown Your Barrier

Milo EdwardsSometimes we shut people out in defense of us getting hurt. When we do this, we become defensive, unavailable, unapproachable and closed off from the spirit and the positive can’t enter! So, “Mellow Into The Moment” and know people are not out to get you, you get hurt because you expect to and that’s a self fulfilling prophecy. Usually, it’s because you see a reflection of yourself and that’s where the pain lie in wait, because you don’t like what you see. It’s like the other person put a mirror in your face and for once you saw the real you and your stomach turned. They didn’t do it on purpose, they was sharing their love with you. But when you shut down theirs no way for love to get in. You’re going to continue to hurt until you let someone in and expect something positive. Try it, you may receive a pleasant surprise! Break down the barriers you’ve put up! You can’t live, grow and have a better relationship with yourself and others being closed off!

Published in: on August 6, 2009 at 6:26 am  Comments (14)  

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  1. I do not shut people out because I don’t want to get hurt, but I gingerly close the door because I choose not to have time for MESS!! I’m going places in my life and choose to be focused on my goals, therefore my focus remains straight & narrow. People who see a gift in others undoubtly draw near, and those who don’t miss out.

  2. Ouch, this is a little close to home. Going through something very similar to this with someone. I want to help, but I can’t, he shuts me out. I give up, it takes two to fight for a relationship, if your fists are balled up, you can’t catch your blessings. I am definitely a blessing, he’s going to miss out on.

    • I here you and when you’ve put up a fight to keep the relationship and know you’ve done your best but the other person shuts you out. You should be able to find peace in letting go! After you do your best to make it better what more can you do?

  3. Milo…I agree. But, as the saying goes…it takes two. As much as we would like to remain open to other people, sometimes others aren’t willing to remain open and shut down to us. They shut and padlock the doors to both their minds and hearts, thus, stifling the communication process as well as the relationship-building that’s essential for positive growth and development So, while we may be “OPEN” others may not be. With situations of this type, as long as we remain open…when and if others rethink and reopen the pathways to communication, we can be there with open arms and loving hearts to embrace them. Although we don’t have control over other people’s thoughts or actions, we do have control over ours and that’s all that matters when it comes to maintaining our sense of balance, wholeness, and peace of mind. Lots of “SISTAH POWER” Love, Deborah

  4. When my son’s father passed 9 years ago, my son was one week from his tenth birthday – his great grandmother passed the same day after being in a coma for weeks – my son shut down and never laughed with abandon again the way he used to – I tried to get him to open up in grief therapy but he wouldn’t do it and the therapists told me, it had to be in his time. I have loved him to pieces but he would allow me only so close to him emotionally once he entered into his teens – then he acted like a robot, reacting to everything with indifference. To get him to truly enjoy anything was rare. It has been a long hard, heartbreaking road to watch my son go through this process. He has great friends as he is a warm person and can have a sense of humor when he wants to with them. He recently certified to be an EMT but has now revealed to me that he would like to finally go into therapy because he is tired of closing the door on everyone and feeling alone but is not sure how to open it back up again. I am exhausted with prayer but thankful that he has finally been coaxed to at least put his hand on the doorknob! God is good! Closing the door to negativity is one thing – just be sure to check on who’s knocking – you might miss out on those who will benefit your life!

    • That is truly tragic Heather, I can’t imagine the pain your son and you have been in for some time. The beautiful thing is he’s acknowledged his pain which is the first step in healing. Congrats on him becoming a EMT and helping others on a daily basis who are in pain. When he starts his therapy you’ll soon see that shining light in his eye you’ve missed for so long and the joy he seeks will be in his heart and soul. The laughter you’ve missed will be present! He’ll lose the pain and keep the loving memories of his father and grandmother. It’ll lift you up too!

      • Thank you Milo. As always, you know just what to say to soothe and encourage. God Bless you and yours.

  5. Milo, Barriers,is something that blocks movement or passage. Is something or should I say, someone standing in you way or blocking your progress? Do you have a “Keep-Out” sign on your forehead? Or could you be the “Obstacle” itself. For example, it could be a cow crossing the road, it’s a barrier to oncoming traffic. Do you get it now! Maybe, just maybe it’s you! Let’s work on moving One Barrier, One Obstacle at a time! We can help others help themselves by giving them the tools they need to work through their barriers, and increase their self-worth and dignity and pride.
    With warm regards, Yummy..

  6. Hi Milo,

    Closing off to anyone shuts the door to love, learning and happiness. For some, it isn’t a shutting of a door, but a refusal to allow them in. With some people you must put a watchman around your heart and mind, or they will take over and try to destroy you. I agree with don’t shut the door, but I will add that; even though the door is open, you don’t have to let everybody in.

  7. I have to say this is such a thought provoking site. Makes me sit back and think about myself and how I interact (or don’t) with others. For me, the issue of trust is the hardest thing. You know the saying “If you hurt me once shame on you. If you hurt me twice shame on me”. To love unconditionally is the greatest gift you can give someone, if that’s violated it’s hard not to have a wall up. No one wishes to be that guarded but it’s a self defense mechanism…now that’s a barrier, huh?

  8. Thats allways been something i live by!Trust in one”s self enough to know that being open to new possibilities are allways part of personal growth and self discovery…the people we come in contact with are most of the times about a lesson we could learn about ouselves..Stay present in each moment and be willing to go with the flow and yes-“TRUST” in YOURSELF!!allways!no matter what the outcome of anything we attempt….it will only be beneficial to our own sprituality,which is never a bad thing.Best Wishes.Love.C

  9. Deb put it best. I was just having this conversation today. I want to break down the barriers. I call myself trying to be honest when I meet men telling them a little about my past and expressing how I am working thru it positive. I want somebody to be honest and tell me when I am coming short, but more often than not, the phone stop ringing. I find that men tend to run rather than communicate. It can become quite frustating esp. as a women who is single again after being with the same person for 21 years. I guess all I can do is stay connected and keep getting the good tips from Milo, Deb, Cass and others.

    • Lisa, we could talk let me tell you! Mine was 23 years and that in itself makes it difficult because you trust in that one person for so long. Now, in a good place and able to move on and yet I find the barrier post so relevant. I realized for me, maybe I am not as approachable as I thought I was.There’s no doubt, it’s hard but as Milo says “YES WE CAN!!!!”:)

      • YES WE CAN!!!!!!!!

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