Why Are People Afraid To Be Alone!

Just because you’re afraid of being alone isn’t a good reason to stay in a relationship. For you to stay in that situation is a betrayal and dishonor to yourself. When you stay stuck in that illusion of  happiness, just to be with someone you lose your connection to your self-worth. At that point you’re being unsupported, unappreciated and/or unacknowledged in your relatioship. When you have to give yourself a reason to stay and think happiness, joy and love is just around the corner, you’re minimizing you! We also often get into relationships with the wrong people just because we are afraid and don’t want to be alone.

I know it’s hard to realize that the way we treat ourselves sets an example for others as to how to treat us, but it’s true. Many of us allow people to treat us the way they have because we have no idea we can be treated better. Being treated badly becomes acceptable because we think it’s better than being alone. I’ve been guilty of it myself and just wanted to hold on to her, just so I could say, “I have a woman!” During my weakened state of being due to unfortunate events in my life. She treated me bad because I allowed her to treat me bad and I was treating myself bad by not loving, honoring and respecting myself enough to know better. That was the ultimate act of me betraying me! The ultimate insult to self-love! By the time I acknowledged to myself what was happening and tried to change it, it was too late. I’d let it go on for so long it became common place to her and I couldn’t change it, she was too comfortable with it. After acknowledging it to myself and trying to make a change, I could no longer claim being a victim. If I stayed, I would be creating and facilitating the abuse, dishonor and disrespect I was receiving. So I left and never looked back! It was hard but every time I felt uneasy about it, I reminded myself how bad I was treated and I had taken enough, time to let go and grow.

There’s nothing wrong with staying in a relationship to work things out but when nothings working it’s time to go. There’s nothing wrong with being alone, it’s better than being treated bad. It allows you time to become more aware of you, heal, heighten your level of consciousness, self-love and get back in touch with your self-worth. Being alone treating your self better will be an example to the next person entering your life how to treat you.

You may think being alone is worse than being in a relationship that isn’t working. Take some time for you to have an open honest conversation with you. Tell yourself the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth! He or she who lies to themselves is a fool! Ask yourself, “Why am I afraid to be alone with me? Why do I continue to allow them to treat me bad? Is this the best I can do? Why do I stay in this relationship? Am I truly loving, honoring and respecting myself? Is this where I want to be? Are they ever going to change? Are they actively working towards change? Write the answers down and read them to yourself out loud! Hear yourself speaking the truth that is coming from within you. Then make a decision as to the direction you want to go and stick to it!

Spend some time with you and you’ll realize you can consult, console and respond appropriately to anything! There’s nothing wrong with being alone sometime. If you can’t stand to be alone with you, how can you expect anyone else to want too!

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Published in: on April 12, 2010 at 6:20 am  Comments (10)  

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10 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Great piece of work… alone now that’s a thought, I find myself hoping I can grow old with someone I can love forever… yet I have been doing the alone thing 4 too long…and I’m not sure that I want be with anyone….but some how I’m subconscious of this fact,I am alone… maybe cause I love me more,than allowing some to hurt me… it’s hard to say…I really need to think about this one,thx milo

    • @Samona Berry I totally understand your views, I too am alone. I became tired of being used by those who didn’t apprectiate me so I’m taking a break. IF only I’d listened to that little voice I could’ve eluded all the stress/strain
      on my body, mind, spirit and finances.
      But after years of darkness I found the LIGHT within and took the reigns back.

      I wish for you MUCH success in this life.

      @ Milo, THANKS AGAIN for sharing your words of wisdom!

      -Vee

  2. One of the reasons I love you is because you so freely share your wisdom as well as the experiences that brought you that wisdom.
    I’m so blessed to be on the receiving end of these messages.
    Thank you and may God continue to bless you.

    • Thank you for your acknowledgment and kind words. Sharing is one of my tools that keeps me free and reminds me I’m not alone in my experiences. I’ll continue to be the difference I want to see in the world and share the type of love I’d like to receive. I’m grateful to have you in my life.

  3. Thanks Milo for sharing your experience. I have been hurt too many time. I do love myself, but after being married for almost half my life, I didn’t want to be alone. Nevertheless, after this last hurt, I will be by myself until God sends me the right man. My heart has been wounded and I know I have to have time to heal. I will learn to be alone and treat myself like the women of God that I am. Thanks for being there! I appreciate you so much! xoxo

  4. Milo,

    All I can say is “WOW”. So, very true! BLUF, if a person can’t love themselves or don’t know what makes them happy; how can they expect someone else to really love them or treat them with respect. If we don’t know what or how we should be treated; how do one know if they are being treated “right”?

  5. Hey Milo, Thanks for the good words. As you know I’ve been on both sides of the situation, you’ve described. Both the giving and receiving of grief. After seeing this in print, I can make sure I’m not either of those again. Thanks
    BW

  6. Thanks for sharing Milo!! So true!!

  7. thank u for this wonderful word of wisdom….it does seem like it best when you’re with the crowd, however it takes much courage to stand alone

  8. Good article and you need to shout this out on the rooftops, often.
    I am not guilty of this concept because of being an abused woman from 18yrs to 24 yrs and vowed to never let that happen again. I have no fears of living alone, being alone and shall not settle for “mess.” No, I do not carry this around as baggage, it is a part of my history. The story of me.

    Sad because the majority of my family are with people because they shall not and will not be alone. To them I am strange.
    No, I do not revel in being alone but can not comprimise my self-respect, love of self, certain life styles, peace of mind et al, just to say “I have a man.

    Until the day my mate and I paths cross, I shall love love, love me & the world. Learn. Work on self. And dance baby dance


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